At what point do you think this is it! This is my last straw, this is the last comment, the last missed appointment, the last break down, argument, tantrum, whatever the last straw is for you. I feel like Horton, from Horton Hears a Who, holding onto that flower for dear life sometimes. When I think it can’t get any worse one of the petals blows away and I sink a little more…very, very slowly. Every once in a while a gust of wind will push me up a ledge so I’m toeing the edge of a rock, where this makes me feel like I’ve got it together and I’m making ground. Just kidding, another petal drops and a gust of wind knocks me down a tad. Never truly plummeting, yet has you teetering on an edge of your sanity for the rest of your life. Fun times right!
At one point I wanted to poll my friends and ask them what their last straw was/is. What finally pushed them over the edge? How did you know, this was it? I didn’t because I was afraid of what people would think. I was afraid I was alone or I was the only one who thought these things. Turns out, I’m not. Turns out it just take one person to outwardly express some of these thoughts and others throw their hands up in solidarity, let out a sigh of relief and exclaim, “OMG, I thought I was the only one who was feeling like this!”
In the same thoughts that come with this, is the thought of being the bigger person. These tend to go hand in hand for me. How long do I have to be the bigger person, at what point can I just shove all this back in their face. They know what they said got to me so why I can’t I make them feel how I feel. What’s the last straw for just unleashing?! Why do I have to bear this weight and they can just throw bullshit around so freely? I can’t believe these people believe their blatant lies! How can they not see right through them? I have screenshots guys, let me show you why I deserve to fire back.
Needless to say let me just say thank you to those who talk me off a ledge because I LOATHE being the bigger person. As the Grinch would say, “Hate, hate, hate, Hate, hate, hate. Double hate. Loathe entirely.” That about sums up my feelings on being the bigger person. It doesn’t feel good to me, I don’t walk away feeling like I’m winning anything, or have any lightbulb moments. It makes me feel like I have unreleased tension, I’m just building up the eventual fallout. I leave with feelings questioning why someone gets to say something continuously but I always have to bite my tongue. Even if I were to hold my composure and have a well thought/typed out rebuttal. The answer is no. ( Thank you to those talking me off the ledge by the way)
So today, I’ll delete the email or text. I’ll sulk in my really good comebacks not getting their day in court. I’ll walk away annoyed my sister replied, “I know you really want to send that but that person won’t care anyway. They didn’t care then and they won’t care now. They’ll just try to come back with more things that hurt you and you’ll still be the one affected.”
So today I will be the bigger person, but only because those around me told me no to my really good comebacks. I’ll let them think I walked away feeling like a winner! 😉
Danielle Bitz 