I did something today that Danielle 5 years ago would be so proud of!
She’d be proud of my courage to push past my anxiety. She’d be so proud that I’ve chosen to stand my ground. That I’m not going to take silence as an answer. I’m not going to take back talk as an answer and that I’m not going to let someone dictate what I know is right!
Man, she’d be so proud. Today as I dropped a letter in the mail I just wanted to cry. I wanted to cry because I can’t believe I had to mail said letter, I can’t believe I’m in the position where I have to stand up for my kids in such a way that was so unheard of 5 years ago.
I have gotten to a point where I’ll stop at no cost. I’m over the disrespect. I’m over the negligence. I’m over the blatant disregard for the human lives I created. I’m over watching someone be selfish, I’m choosing to be selfish for my kids who don’t have a voice yet but hopefully one day will realize I risked it all and I would risk it every day to make sure they know how much I love them.
Today I mailed a letter that is just a small step in standing up for them, for myself and for a girl who was so pushed down 5 years ago. Who was so exhausted and berated. There’s not enough exclamations points in the world for how tired of being bullied into decisions I knew weren’t right.
There have been so many moments in my life I’ve looked back on and thought, “Holy shit! You made it out the other end!” It’s similar to the story of the Israelites crossing the Red Sea, well at least that’s how I feel sometimes. God makes a path for you and it’s long and tedious and we think we should go back, we think we should just give up, we think there’s no way this journey ahead is going to be any better. He might even throw some water at us to wake up in our delusional thinking. I know he’s done that to me. “Hey! Wake up, yeah it sucks now but keep going, I’ve got plans for you.”
So, while today is a small step in a long road, I’m no longer scared. I’m no longer worried about making people upset, I’m no longer concerned about who thinks I’m a bitch, because honey, just you wait. This is only the beginning and when it comes to my kids, you haven’t seen anything yet.
Be proud of yourself, the past version of you is silently cheering you on. Whether it’s small steps or big steps, you’ve come so far. While the journey may be long and tedious, you never got anywhere by going backwards. I’m SO proud of you.
Danielle Bitz 