Someone better stand up and take accountability for NOT telling me that teen boys are freaking hard! This is not what I expected at all. I feel lied to, tricked & gas lit. What the flying hell!
Why aren’t we talking about the emotions, the dramatics & the heavy arguments. Why aren’t we talking about what’s really going on in their heads? Did they really think it’s ok to just let us go in blindly!? We hear all about girls and their hormones but oh my gosh! The heavy sighs, the body flailing, the stomping. HELLO, this is important stuff that us boy moms should be aware of.
Maybe I’m truly this naive but what the hell.
This past month has been hard. I’m not sure what it is but it’s not held up to my expectations, which I know is an absolute joke. However, this has been worse than I expected. I never imagined so much attitude or kickback. So much defiance or lack of respect. Such gross behavior out of my kid.
This past week I actually reached out to my sons dad and asked if they had the capacity to keep my oldest for an extra week because I was so done with him. I’m not exercising it but it was put out there. His attitude is horrendous. I’m struggling with what I’m supposed to do at this point of parenting because clearly nothing is right. I feel like a massive failure.
This weekend, on our way to baseball, I had him list out the qualities he was proud of as a friend and brother & the qualities he wasn’t so proud of. This is also very hard to explain to a 14 year old.
I explained like this; “How do you think so and so would describe you as a friend & what do you think they would say you think you could do better at?” “How do you think your brothers would react when they asked for their favorite things about you & what they don’t like?”
I gave him my personal examples of things I think I’m doing pretty decent in as a mom and as a friend & used specific examples, I also gave him the things I think I could continue working on in both of those areas.
It’s really hard to explain it out loud without feeling like you’re attacking someone. Or maybe that’s just me over thinking and internally freaking out about “dimming their light.” I also don’t want him to feel like he can’t be his authentic self, but not if you’re going to be an arrogant butthead.
The action plan as of now is to keep him thinking, keep him working on the small acts, being more self aware when he walks into situations. Paying more attention to the little things. I don’t want his mouth causing anymore issues than it already has, nor do I want him to lose friends because he’s too busy worried about being cool, or because he thinks it’s cool to say all the stupid things that are inappropriate. I don’t want him to jeopardize his future sports career. I’ve encouraged him to find athletes who emulate what he strives to be and have values that he would like to align with.
Do I expect him to be perfect no. Absolutely not. However I also expect him to sit back and pause before jumping or doing. Yes I know he’s a boy and this is how their brains operate. However, know better do better, teach & learn better.
Danielle Bitz 