8th Grade – The year everything changed

It’s hard to imagine that I have an 8th grader. Let alone a kid who can get his permit and legally start driving. To think about what I was doing and where I was at mentally at his age is almost out of this world.

Brecken, is my first born son. As the first born you’re subject to a lot of trial and errors. We grow up together, we learn, we cry and we battle together as we both learn new things. It’s a dream, let me tell you! (This is all sarcasm.)

In all reality, Breck is a really great kid, he’s smart, he’s an amazing big brother…most of the time. Just don’t tell him to his face because that would embarrass him. He’s an amazing athlete & has every bit of my fire & stubbornness. Unfortunately, I often compare 8th grade Danielle to him a lot. In my head don’t worry! I’m traumatizing him in other ways.

8th grade Brecken has an enormous amount of friends, is the cool kid, great at sports; we like to tell him he’s a little mini influencer. He has a tremendous amount of support from our friends and family & much to his dismay, me watching him like a hawk while trying to give him some freedom also while reminding him texts & screenshots are permanent. Oh and girls aren’t worth the drama so please stop entertaining their multiple facetimes & phone calls. (damn are they persistent these days) 8th grade Brecken also lives in a world where Champion brand is cool as well wearing sweats to school every day.

8th grade Danielle was none of those things nor did I have the support. 8th grade Danielle was a dork with bangs, had just moved from a private school to a public school and was traumatized with kids making out in the hallways. I was on the B team in Basketball, I never really fit in anywhere so just coasted through friend groups & had a boy break up with after 2 weeks because I held his hand wrong during an assembly. He’s balding and out of shape now so jokes on him. We had the worst support from our local family during this time and it only continued to unravel. There was no sense of community, no pushing to do better or be better but so much belittling and degrading.

8th grade Danielle is beyond jealous of Brecken. She’s also more proud of him and cheers for him in a distant memory. She cheers hard for him and wants to shake him when he acts out. “You might not see it now but you are all so lucky, you have so much support, so much guidance, so much growth ahead of you and more importantly you have stability and light.”

8th grade Danielle gets to give 8th grade Brecken, what she longed for. What she needed & what she deserved and I get to pass that all down through the other two as well. They get to grow up with their siblings, I didn’t get that either. They get to watch my sister and I navigate this cool relationship that we missed out on for too many years.

Danielle today, at 37 years old, is and will always be working through hard things in life. So, what you might not think is growth on your end has been years of hard work, a lot of tears & choosing better. I started that process 14 years ago, & stepped my game up 8 years after that. I get to change the course.

These boys make me want to be better every single day. Watching them grow up has pushed me to learn and grow past all the things I had to go through alone; to ensure none of them will ever know what I was forced to. I